For whom the bell tolls

On the 24th of March, bags were packed and goodbyes were said to all at Casa579, and with a pang of sadness, and "saudade", Santa Teresa and the glorious city of Rio were left behind. My travels would bring me towards the Blue Mountains - a 3 hour drive deep in to the overwhelmingly picturesque Brazilian countryside where I would undergo 10 days of Vipassana over the next 12 days. This intensive course would involve following a strict routine of daily meditation with the goal of achieving mental purification, deep control of mind over body and an insight into the Buddhist way of life, along with 80 other willing volunteers.

After the first few hours of induction, we began what is know as "The Noble Silence", refraining from all forms of communication, from speaking and hand gestures to even the acknowledging others, for 10 long days. We then had our time table explained to us. 4am wake up follows over 11 hours of individual and group meditation sessions every day, each segment of the day denoted by the chiming of a bell. Food would be strictly vegetarian - breakfast would be served at 6:30am, lunch at 11am and no other food would be provided again until the next morning, with the exception of a lime juice or a piece of fruit being served in the afternoon. Music players, phones, books, writing, exercising and practicing any other meditation techniques, including yoga, were all prohibited - this was going to be 10 days left with nothing but my own head and guaranteed to be an titanic mental challenge.

The first three days would be centered around the discipline of Anapanasati - mindfulness of breathing. Clearing the mind of all thoughts, one focuses purely on sensations in and on the nose. Though this sounds simple in theory, in practice, trying to clear your mind is a mammoth feet. No sooner is your mind being distracted by simple things that slowly become out of control. You may start thinking about lunch, then what you would have for lunch if you could have any meal you liked - what it would be like if I opened my own restaurant? What kind of food would I serve? Wouldn't it be amazing to be a Micheline star chef? I wonder what Gordon Ramsey is doing right now.... Then all of a sudden, 15 minutes of meditation has evaporated into day dreaming nonsense. And this repeats over and over, for hours. This is made even more difficult sitting on a small cushion, back unsupported on a wooden floor, for a total of 11 hours a day - the discomfort is desperately hard to ignore - especially during each 1 or 2 hour sessions you are to remain absolutely still throughout.

A similar Vipassana meditation hall, though a little more established than our hut in the forest

Now, at this point, I can hear you asking the patently pertinent questions, "What the hell are you doing this to yourself - aren't you meant to be on a beach or something? Have you lost your mind?" And the answer is, or was by the third day, "I have no idea, yes, I should be on a beach, and yes, I think I have indeed lost my mind." By day three there had been very little explanation of what the goal actually was and what we would be doing over the next 7 days (other than simply focus on our noses - a tortuously unbearable thought).

The reason for enlisting on this course stems from a mixture of reasons. I have always been intrigued by Buddhism for its philosophical approaches and as a guide for having a happy, fulfilled life and thought this course would be an excellent way to asses, understand and practice their methods of meditation. This course also looked to be quite a challenge - holidays are for sitting on beaches, traveling should be about exposing yourself to new and interesting experiences, and this looked to be just the thing. Vipassana is not a religious practice. Its teachings are applicable for anyone, whether they be religious zealots or uninspired by these organised venerations entirely, and though Vipassana stems from Buddhism, on its own, it is purely a way to experience separation of the mind from the body - the technique Buddha used to achieve Nirvana 2,500 years ago. The purpose of separating the body and the mind is to practice, rather than just think about existentialism. It teaches self awareness, self control and allows the mind to subconsciously deal with past, whilst focusing purely on the present moment.

Gautama Siddhartha - the most famous of all Buddhas (enlightened ones) - is more commonly referred to as The Buddha.

Until the third day, we were practicing Anapanasati, but by the fourth day, we were to begin Vipassana. Rather than just observing breath, we would mentally scan all the sensory inputs on the surface of the entire body. The discipline is to be aware of all itches, tickles, tingles pains, aches, heat and cold as if you are a 3rd party observer, remaining perfectly still throughout - a technique that slowly begins to separate mind and body, rejecting impulses outside and focusing on what is occurring within. This was a joyous relief as I was uncertain of my stamina for ten days of Anapanasati - this gave me more to focus on and more to aim for during the days to come.

When it was explained during that Vipassana is not a religious group or cult, merely a mind purification technique, I took a glance around the room to see 80 people meditating in silence, chanting from time to time. I could not help but become afflicted by a dubiously cocked eyebrow with the severity usually reserved for the guy who tells you, "Now trust me, this is definitely not a pyramid scheme..." Proceding with caution, it became clear that this was primarily a meditation course with some focus on the teaching of Buddha (Dharma), teachings that are very insightful and logical - refreshingly bereft of fire and brimstone, orders and rules. All the doctrines are purely advisory and offer a guide on maximising happiness, tranquility and fulfilment in life - not blindly offering oneself to a higher power, but by questioning things and looking to yourself as the solution to any inner discord.

The most eventful part of the programme came about on the 5th day of silence. A successful day of backache and mental clarity had been followed by the evening video discourse to help with the technique, then all returned to the meditation hall for one last session before bed. As we sit down, our teacher summons us with a booming voice to "start again... start again..." As he speaks, a roll of thunder ominously shakes the air and resonates around the hillsides. The deeper we got into our states the stronger the wind a rain became. The backs of our eyelids started flaring light blue several times a second as bolts relentlessly hammered the forest around us, the winds went from a howl to a near deafening roar as trees began to topple around us, with the smash of branches the power for the whole site went out, and yet there we sat, unmoving, suppressing the adrenaline, becoming more and more intrinsic, even as the spray of fine rain hit us as it whipped into the meditation hall through the mosquito-netted window covers. Suddenly there was a loud crash - a tree only a few feet away was struck by lightning and came smashing down on the path outside the hall, vociferously showering the building with debris. There are times to find inner calm. There are also times for self preservation. We arose to inspect the damage and realised we were stranded in the hall, dozens of fallen trees littering the path back to our dorms. I finally broke my Noble Silence - "Oh bugger".

The path to our dorms, having been somewhat cleared during the remaining week, were still impassable at the end of the course.

I ventured back to our rooms in the dark with another participant (I can hardly say friend as, like with everyone else, we had not spoken over the week) who fortunately had a flash light. Showered by rain, climbing several felled trees in the process, we made it back, found candles to light our rooms and went to bed, trying, but failing miserably to get sleep ready for the next day.

Another blocked path at the sight

The 'Area of Permanent Silence' with an up-ended tree brazenly encroaching on its tranquility

Day six oddly started as normal. The bell chimed - that relentless bell - and we raised in the early dusk to view the aftermath. Everything was a wreck. Trees lay everywhere, paths were blocked and the power lines were so badly dammaged we were left without power for five days. Nothing was said - with the exception of candles instead of lights and a battery powered CD player to stand in for the evening discourse video, things carried on as normal. And the meditation continued, getting deeper and more penetrative as the day went on.

By the seventh and eighth days I was feeling the strain. My back ached, dozens upon dozens of itching mosquito bites were all over my body and 19 hour periods a day with only a fruit juice to sustain me was taking its toll, but more than this, trying to keep the mind clear and focused for such long periods of time was beginning to feel more and more masochistic. Dan FM became a hugely frustrating entity - 2 hours of relative clarity and self awareness would be unfathomably interrupted by "I feel good! Nana nana nana na! I knew that I would!". This would be expelled for a matter of minutes before, "Billie Jean is not my lover! She's just a girl...". Maximo Park's 'Gone Missing' was at the top of the charts, this appearing to be my theme song of the trip. Lunch was always ludicrously accompanied by 'My Angel is a Centerfold'. My inability to focus was frustrating and the feeling that I had got the idea of the technique and wanted to go back to the city was becoming overwhelming. Of my five other roomates, two remained - all others had quit and many more in other dorms had left too. The only thing that kept me going was the evening discourse and my personal oath to not quit at anything. G. N. Goenka, the leader of the modern Vipassana course is a charismatic guru who resonates wisdom and tranquility - a speaker to the United Nations, his discourses are fascinating, full of beautiful metaphors and at times very comic. Without these I would have been lost.

The bell, that ceaseless bell, chimed again at the beginning of the final day. It was over, we could speak again, and our hours of meditation were numbered and few. For the first time I spoke with my dorm mates, a bizarre experience after these 10 days of reticence, and we discussed the experience and shared our stories (mostly in Portuguese, which I was somewhat proud of). It also emerged that, when recalling a day where a meditator started having a fit of the giggles in the middle of a two hour session, laughter that went on to infect everyone in the hall so badly that we had to be lead out outside, all poorly suppressing uncontrollable fits of hysterical laughter... this event was cause by someone falling asleep during the session and loudly letting out a snore. I was unaware of this before, unsurprisingly, seeing as I was the culprit. Overcome with embarrassment, everyone was great about it, thinking it as one of the funniest moments of the course.

The remaining few - my room mates and I on the final day.

So, who is Dan now? An enlightened soul shining benevolence and peace wherever he goes, quoting scriptures and converting those who have yet to find the light of Buddha's teachings? Well... I wouldn't go that far, though I would say it has been an experience that has taught me strength of mind and self control as well as given me ways to find deep inner peace. Meditation will still play a part in my life, though after 120 hours worth in one hit, it will be taking a back seat for a while. I shall always remember an English guy approaching me at the end, dressed in hindu robes in the hippyish style of all the participants (myself excluded), and said, "When you arrived you looked like you had found yourself gate crashing the wrong party, but we were all suprised to see that you made it!"

There are many things that I will take away from this experience, some that I shall leave, but all that was in my mind as we drove back into civilisation was that I had a flight that afternoon to Iguaçu Falls on the borders of Brazil and Argentina - A UNESCO site cosidered one of the most beautiful natural sights on Earth. I was still in need of a place to stay and a plan for the coming weeks, but more importantly, I needed to scream, scream at the top of my lungs over these falls and get myself a big, juicy Argentinian steak... I think we can all find inner peace there.


Peace, love and tranquility to you all.

;)

D